WTH

Ok so remember how I told you all yesterday that I got my phone back. Well guess again, last night my mom got angry because we werent cleaning so she took away our laptops and cell phones. Not to be mean or anything but I just got the thing back and then she strolls along and decides that I'm not allowed to have it. What the hell. I literally had it for a day and a half (if that). It makes no sense, I mean why give me back something I cant live without then take it away.

Im BORED

So I got my phone back yesterday. IM SOO HAPPY. I'm the type of person who can hardly go a few hours without a phone and I hardly noticed that the month had gone by.

Im alone in the universe

Ok first of all I know that the title for this post is also the title of a song from Suessical. I DONT CARE. I know that there are people out there who say they care and they love me, but for some reason I dont feel like they mean it. I guess that this is what its like to be an empath. Always feeling alone, never knowing how you truly feel, never being able to truly love someone, or to even feel the love someone holds for you. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed and don't know what to do with myself. Somedays I just want to crawl into a fuggin corner and just cry my eyes out. I've done it before and will do it again, I DONT CARE WHAT YOU THINK OR SAY ABOUT IT. I think too much to be with someone and know what it feels like to be happy for myself, sometimes I will sit on the bus with my back on the bottom of the seat and my head hanging out in the aisle. Idk why but for some reason that helps me to think clearer. I have spent the whole bus ride to ocean city like that with music blaring in my ears. Thats another thing I do to think, I blare music/musicals so that I dont get distracted, it doesn't matter where I am. If I need to think I will walk away from my friends and go sit in a corner and blare music and think. I will also sometimes get up and dance until I no longer can or until I fall and hurt myself cause I was too busy thinking about something to pay attention.

Liars

I really hate people who lie/get your hopes up. They will sit there and say things like "I love you", "I want this to work", "its not you its me", "I still want to be friends". All lies. They say these things and your heart flutters but then they go and say/do something behind your backs and you know for a fact that they were always lying to you. It hurts....if you do this, never think that it will be easy for the person you do it to. It will crush them and they will never be the same.

Drama within the Drama

Ok so right now im in school and i really want to get up and just walk to some random place that i know......i cant deal with anymore of the drama. I dont feel like it anymore. If i have to listen to her beach (sensoring myself) anymore i will seriously walk away from all of this. I dont want to so i might just walk and walk till i cant go any further, then walk another 5 miles.

Raised Voices

So today Mrs. Bles called all of Performing Arts into a seminar room. Once we were in the room she had us all sit down. Then she started yelling at us because someone in the class defiled one of the posters for our show. Im not gonna lie I've been yelled at by a director before but Mrs. Bles scares the crap out of me when she yells. She is a really powerful person and she knows exactly how to hit you were it hurts when telling you this type of shit. I can't wait for this stupid show to be over because then hopefully most of the drama in drama will be over.

Crying

So i remembered something from my childhood once and i just remembered it again. Whenever i start to cry and there is something to chew on i automatically chew. Its my one resource to stop the crying. And in finding this out i realized that this is why i am an emotional eater. The chewing helps to calm the flow of tears.